Sonny Sharrock is one of my favourite guitarists ever, hands down. The textures in his playing and the raw emotion... muahh! Cultural critic's kiss! This collaborative effort with his wife Linda Sharrock, who does incredible vocal experimentation on the album, is one of my favourite albums of all time. The drummer and pianist make a beautiful contribution, too, OK? Sorry guys I dunno who you are but.. .. Nice One!
Merry Christmas!
PS-- Having covered in my previous blog post how wanking//art are essentially the same thing--playing with yourself for fun--I feel like I ought to mention the following. Close your eyes if you're scared of sex.
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Do you guys have albums you like to listen to for fucking? They're all good, mostly. I mean, I wouldn't put on Christmas Tunes. Dunno. On a day like today, I'd maybe make an exception. I'd pick JAMES BROWN - FUNKY CHRISTMAS. But I don't have like... a special playlist.. .. nah... there isn't a dedicated section in my record collection, which is organised by genres I've made up myself. There is no "genre tag" = music for sex//wanking, is there? HA! Of course not!
No music or silence is ideal for me too, since music can be a distraction. Another plug for Bose noise cancelling headphones incoming. I should leave a review on their web page, eh? Someone go copy/paste for me: "Amazing for anxiety and wanking." I haven't tried them with a friend yet, but maybe now I've come out as autistic, the next person I bed will make allowances for my special needs: good music, the sound of you enjoying me, or noise cancelling headphones! Flip a three-sided coin! I don't care!
No, there's no "music for fucking" genre, but we all know some albums or types of music are more conducive to setting the mood than others, right? How many of you cunts are "ambient" shaggers??? God I hate you so much! Jk, you're acceptable... I guess. But where are my Stooges fans at? Can we listen to FUNHOUSE while we're in the pleasure palace, pls? Guitars make me wet. SABBATH. LED ZEPPLIN. There's some killer drum solos in those albums. Imagine what we'll do to each other during those? Probably I'm more of a Jazz guy overall though, if I had to pick one "genre." Thanks be to God--I don't!!
Fucking could be a fun democracy where you get an album pick and then I get a pick if you like good music ((I'll decide if you're qualified)), but otherwise I prefer a dictatorship where I get 2 picks and you get to be the lucky fool in my bed. How bout them apples?? SILVER APPLES--YES--why not? Cool album. I'll try it out and see if it's worth including on my fucking//wanking playlist top 10 oscillator albums playlist. Lay down or stand up and count your blessings! I'm flexible on what poses you wanna try submitting to//admiring my greatness in. I'm flexible in general--I'm a dancer, duh! Ha. I think as of now this blog has become my dating profile, btw. I'm not a loser who needs to make one of those.
Granted, the tone in this blog post is a little "tinder" for me, cos I'm really more "OK cupid". Yes, I'm looking for serious compatibility indicators and I'm a relic from the past that almost no one would pick as their top choice, except as the butt of a joke. I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST JOKE I'VE EVER WRITTEN??? YASS. It reminds me, the film Cruel Intentions is based on an awesome book by some french guy ((::googling::))--something-frenchLaclos! It's written in the form of an exchange of letters between the characters, which I love. Read it if you're able to read books, unlike me rn: LES LIASONS DANGEROUX. Yes, I spelt it wrong cos I'm uncultured. Total transparency and IDGAF energy today, g. I do know how to make a roux--not to brag--but to brag. It'll be 50/50 high-brow/low-brow if you date me and I'm half serious about everything. You'll figure it out someday, maybe. Buncha r*tards.
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Fuck. Sorry. I really like that word cos I grew up with it and I've always found it fun as an insult, as a collector of insults, but... . I've half-censored and crossed it out for a reason, k. It's out of my vocabulary now, at least in public spaces, ditto the word sp*z. Goddamn it--I'll miss you both! I've always applied them to myself first and foremost, however I'm aware they're very hurtful words. I'm not intellectually disabled ((supposedly)), so it seems uncool and irresponsible for me to throw them around casually cos "maybe it's OK" according to a minority of people on Reddit. That's my verdict. Sometimes having fun with words gets the better of me, but if you want to know my feelings about the notorious n-word, then you'll have to read my book. Nutshell: I've always hated racist slurs since the racism in America is grim. Black people can do what they want--no notes. White people: I don't care if it's "to tell a story", or you're reading a shite ancient book aloud, or if it's for "your art." Just.. lose the n-word and all the slurs? That's how I feel, anyways.
We whiteys can't imagine how tough racism is, for those born into it. Patti Smith's song Rock n Roll n-word tried to link the word to different 'outsider' experiences and she said she wanted to reclaim or reinvent it, but she's never been touched by racism. It was the 1970s then. That song has recently been taken down from many online platforms. I think that's dumb, but I deffo think the song sucks and we can critique her use of the word. While we're here... Jerry Sadowitz, you're failing at both comedy and magic. Was the magic supposed to be ironic also? ::sigh:: Irony is dead bro--it's 2024.
I took up an opportunity to go see you because I think you mean well, your content isn't online, and I'm a edge-lord fan of free speech myself. You're my "faces of death" for comedy that I was curious to see, but ultimately you bored and disgusted me without tickling me much. No, I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to do your thing, but folk are allowed to have opinions on your art too. People won't go to your shows if you're not funny. Venues can choose not to book you if they think you're shite? Has Netflix 'cancelled me' because they turned down my offer of providing them with a comedy special? No. I think not. You have one week to reconsider, Netflix, or I'm going to HULU!
OK Jerry--you've been criticised widely and blackballed from *some* events for racism, sexism, and homophobia since you say a buncha offensive stuff for 'your art'. Don't say people "aren't listening" to how clever you are. Ickk... that's something *I* would say?! Just... maybe stop saying the n-word, the p-word, etc. and WRITE BETTER JOKES, if you can! The content about Palestine//Israel was decent, but you didn't say much with the rest. You're playing a character--we get it--it's still pants! You're skewering an easy target. Aping fringe racists, sexists, and homophobes isn't interesting and they've mostly rendered satire pointless. Hopefully not many people are listening to them. Or do I live in a bubble? Probably I do. Yea--deffo. Do you?
You accept not all your fans get your act, and you say that "doesn't matter" to you? As artists, there's a limit to how responsible we are for how others interpret our art, sure. But I'd be worried if I made your content and saw how some people (don't?) interpret it or maybe they do but still feel drunk and giddy to hear you saying the outrageous things you say. I was mainly disappointed by how unfunny you were, but the way it was supposed to be 'shocking' left me cold. From the balcony--observing it all. A man beside me leaned over and tried to engage me at one point, so obviously enjoying your boorish behaviour in a way I didn't... I can't. There wasn't much in it, for me?
Censorship of art is A Problem, for sure. I want artists to have the freedom to make transgressive art, but I think you have that, Jerry? You do tours. Lol. If your jokes are *actually funny* then you can get away with more. Privately, with vetted friends, we can all probably safely take more risks. We should be able to joke about anything, I think, but Jerry Sadowitz doesn't hit the mark for me in how he handles his material. On the other hand, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia have done blackface and LOTS of other stuff they shouldn't, but they are funny and thoughtful enough ((by my standards)) that them being OTT *works* in context. The show has responded adaptively to criticism over the years, while staying class. I also like Bill Burr. I think he's thoughtful on toxic masculinity, though he wades in the shit too. Surely others will disagree with me on all this, and that's fine. We can talk about it as individuals, as a society?
If my attempts to be funny fall flat or you're offended... feel free to lmk. I'll consider whatever you say. Words do hurt people. I want freedom of speech too, Jerry, but freedom comes with responsibility, and I'm not impressed by you. You're like a 3 year old about receiving feedback. Use the information to make adjustments and improve, dude. What you do is one-dimensional. Pull your fingers out of your ears. What battle are you fighting?! You're a hero for free speech? Lol. Not mine. Though you're a provocateur, for sure, and it's good to talk about the issues you raise. But seriously: catch a grip you old white man.
I want us to keep listening and support each other to build a more inclusive society. I also think we should be concerned about freedom of expression, censorship, and protect the right for art to offend us. It's all important. I'd like more of these conversations, without judgement when people seem less enlightened than you think you are. I think I'm pretty enlightened, don't I? Nahh... I don't mean to soapbox. Hazard of blogging. I know there's a lot of fear around putting a foot wrong, and that doesn't help. What unites nearly everyone I encounter is that people want to do a good job on social issues. I've done things I now see as mistakes. For example, I didn't notice how the "attack helicopter" jokes were transphobic 6-8 years ago, so when a kid said it in my classroom I didn't address it. Yes--it seems obvious now. I was dumb, k? I'm still dumb. You're dumb too. We're all learners; let's talk it out.
I learn from others, in real life and online, and I'm usually prepared to share how I feel about stuff. It's a small thing I can do to contribute to the conversation. Here goes: Jerry, get funny or fade into obscurity. I'd rather you dropped the slurs. If your comedy depends on them... it's not very good. I'd also advise against menacing your audiences with you dick. Keep some mystery about your junk. That's my pro-social, pro-comedy advice.
Damn, I got sidetracked. I think this started with me talking about how I'm too crass and pervy and tempted to say naughty things sometimes. That's how I ended up here?
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I'm not TINDER, OK!! Go back to earlier posts to appreciate my range as a human, as fully expressed in this blog. I'm not a slut. My mom suggested I might be one once when I was 16 and wanted birth control, but that's cos she only gets it from my da and didn't know I was mating for life then too. My first boyfriend's still a solid gold pal, 23 years later. Love you dude. You're so badass--you're literally a rocket scientist now. Mom, love you too. Stop reading my fucking blog! There's disgusting stuff on here I don't want you//the world to know!! Look, only 3 guys have seen my pussy, mom **that I can remember ** so I'm still in the same league as Joan of Arc's 1st incarnation, even if she's at the top of the podium.
You'd be proud of me playing hard to get, like GSA's entry rate of..... omg... googled it... 20%!! HAHAHAHA. 1/5? Wow. Expected better from you GSA--you absolute slag of an art school. Goldsmiths isn't much better: 17%. I'm making my zoom enquires directly to Oxford since it surely isn't the town bicycle. It's... Ivy League or whatever you call it in the UK? League of Future Statues?
Guys I like enough to consider dating... all 7 of you I've met so far... though hopefully more candidates incoming after this thirsty blog post... you'll be awarded a prestigious doctorate in SEX, issued by me, if you successfully pass all elements of your coursework and the final exam. How far will the qualification take you? I can't say what the limit will be, for you? There are a lot of variables involved. Mainly your dick size bank account balance personality. Rest assured, former graduates have gone on to "date up" and bag humans much more worthwhile than me. I could open doors for you. Imagine: younger solid "8's" with arts degrees, fewer mental health problems, and they *are* emotionally available? Always a popular choice. But our alumni have also found positive destinations with: Bodybuilder babes. Oil tycoon princesses. Fairies.
Where do you sign up? DM me dawg. I'll need a CV and 2 references. Don't feel bad if you get rejected; the entry criteria are self-defeating. Also, the window for applicants closes anytime I think about having to compromise on doing whatever the fuck I want all the time, as my single lifestyle permits. It kinda rules. You gotta make me an offer I can't refuse. I'm not saying you'll have to pay me. Lol. No--I believe in free education. To become Dr. _____ "Fantastic Sex" graduate of top-tier, fancy-ass G's University of Love & Fucking you'll have to study me for an indeterminate period of time---more than one date, mom!!!---before you'll be invited to complete a combination oral and practical exam. You get one resit, if unsuccessful on your first attempt. Don't tell anyone, because I'll be accused of corruption, but if I like you a lot, I'll throw out the rulebook on limiting it to 2 attempts. You want to know more about the exam? .. ..Are you.. .. studying rn?
Don't worry, you'll be provided with the full grading rubric in advance of the test date, and real-time feedback will be given throughout the exam to improve your odds of completion, as is customary in the field of "Fantastic Sex." No, this is not merely a "Fine Sex" establishment, sir. We put student satisfaction 1st close 2nd, and our holistic approach to the artform promises to both challenge and support you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually (select: Y/N), musically. If you have additional support needs, rest assured our examiner specialises in working with applicants from neurodivergent and/or warlock backgrounds. She holds a blue-belt in witchcraft and is a Level 7 autistic savant.
You will be given ample opportunities to demonstrate your overflowing enthusiasm for the subject, as the examiner puts you through rigorous testing procedures over a 24hr period. Please inform us of any dietary requirements or allergies (i.e. if you are vagitarian or butt-free). There will be breaks for snax and sleeping as required. You will not be graded on cuddling, unless you have chosen it as an elective. Our graduates give rave reviews: "5/5 stars" , "the food was great" , "kind of safe" , "it was 5 stars 4 years ago, but on my recent visit... "the examiner seemed bored and uninterested" , "can I cum again?" , etc.
Achhh, but no! Silly, g. Stretched it all too far again.
Music-wise, if I'm at your place I'll tolerate whatever shite you put on, but don't expect I'm not going to express my displeasure and tell you to "turn that shit off" if I think it's a bad pick. I might recommend something else if you seem like a pushover, or if I wanna do combat with you for foreplay anyways. I've been told I'm "refreshingly honest" about letting people know exactly what's going on in my mind. Even if they don't wanna know. Get wrecked, babies--you're here by choice!
So finally, jokes aside: Black Woman is a great album for wanking//sex!! Try it on your own or with a friend. I love the encouragement from Linda to free my voice and be moved by... whatever's going on... but sometimes I have found men are intimidated by either her or me. Not sure which. Y'all are scared of this album?? Of "Black Woman". Linda--you're a Fantastic Artist too! What gives, boys? HAHAHA! Men suck, innit?! Love you all, jk. You do have it rough too--like all of us. I'll either fuck other genders or be gentle with you guys and put on PHAROAH SANDERS or CARIBOU or let you pick until you've relaxed and we know each other better. If it's me making noise you're stressed by, you can put a sock in my mouth, or your fist, or whatever else you had in mind.
Genre tags: "music for fucking"
See also: "thirsty Christmas"
**btw the albums in this post are good for everything, all the time, you square sausages**
PS-- Fuck you Jerry Sadowitz. Why did I write a wall of text about you? Is this what you want?
PPS--This is fantastic art, isn't it? Did ya'll like what I did with that colour block stuff up top? I've seen worse shit at the GSA degree show. GIVE IT UP GSA!!!! HONORARY DOCTORATE NOW!!! Can't believe you creeps censored this guy for showing some ISIS videos.
PPS-- Dan Snaith, the guy who performs as "Caribou", has a PhD in mathematics and his review of his own contribution to the field was that it was "original, but I would still call it trivial". What a great self-review. I'm stealing that. It's my review of my blog, as of now. Thank you for being here to read my trivial musings.
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