The following is a REAL LETTER I wrote only 6 years ago after an unfortunate incident in a bar that changed the course of my life forever. I'm happy to report that I'm doing fine now, only requiring 3 years of weekly EMDR treatments to recover from a server pressing my 'childhood trauma' self-destruct button(s). In hindsight, I can see how I'm stronger now, as a person or hologram, from facing and overcoming adversity in my life such as publicly being denied (more) alcohol.
"{{[Quoted material below... Remember, I was NOT sad over a bereavement. That was a lie. A brilliant, classy lie. Bill Clinton level lying unlocked, though he was so much more subtle. "It depends on the meaning of the word 'is'". You were my favourite prez, Bill, cos I like wordplay and I'm a dirty bastard too. Who knows what I was sad about (?!?) I was drunk, duh, but my tolerance and ability to keep walking/talking used to be ridiculous. Thank fuck I'm mostly off the sauce now. I'm silly enough, as is.]}}
Soundtrack: THE KARENS s/t
"Cum in the sink" - The Karens
"Wish I heard voices. Wish I was a telephone"
"[She] helps me find Brecht. Helps me find Chandler. Helps me find James Joyce. She always makes the right choice. She's my God. She's my G-O-D. She's my god, She's my god now. Karen--yea, yea--Karen." - The Go-Betweens
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Hi,
I'm writing to you as a regular of the Alston bar, as I was extremely humiliated and disappointed by the service of your staff this evening.
My two friends and I spent over 4 hours in the restaurant having dinner and drinks in the bar area, from 6:00 to 10:30. Around 10 I became emotional and was crying over a recent bereavement while talking to my companions in our booth.
When my friend asked to be served at the bar shortly after, the bartender denied us service as she had noticed my tears. Incredulous, I also approached the bar to ask for clarification as to why we were not being served. She repeated that her reason was because I had been crying and that we had 6 cocktails (over 4 hours, with dinner). I would like to note that I had stopped crying and at no point were we loud or in any way disruptive to other patrons. I was, and am now, as I'm typing this, sober and collected enough to make decisions for myself.
I said to the bartender that she needed training in mental health. I am fundamentally against stigmatising healthy emotion and it was appropriate that I might be feeling sad and be consoled by my friends in the restaurant/bar where we chose to meet. I am not aware of any "rules" against being sad or crying in a restaurant. If it made your staff uncomfortable or think that I was "out of control" because I was visibly sad, then, again, I think this is a training issue that needs to be looked into.
Immediately after, as we went to leave, the manager spoke to me, recognised that I was competent, and offered to serve us the drinks requested before last orders, but we declined. My friends didn't want to pay for our meal/drinks as we were so insulted by this treatment; however, I decided to pay our £160 tab out of principal.
I hate to give negative feedback to an establishment I frequent regularly and enjoy, but this was truly unacceptable. While I understand that your staff have a responsibility to serve alcohol responsibly, in this instance their assumptions were wrong and very hurtful.
Tears should not be assumed to be a dangerous sign of insobriety, or a reason to refuse service. Ultimately this whole incident made me feel shameful about my original upset and caused me to burst into tears again while paying. I hope you will speak to the staff involved about basic empathy, or, failing that, recommend them to mind their own business when they don't know what's going on in someone else's life.
Kind Regards,
G
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